


Swan Song Extras! Lyrics! Deleted Scenes!

by earlgreytea68



Series: Swan Song [5]
Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 09:22:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17722499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreytea68/pseuds/earlgreytea68
Summary: Does what it says on the tin.





	Swan Song Extras! Lyrics! Deleted Scenes!

So, if you were ever curious about their tour schedule, I forced myself to plan their tour before they embarked upon it, so I could keep myself organized, so here it is: 

July 1 – Boston

July 3 – New York City  
July 4 – New York City

July 6 – Philadelphia

July 8 – Washington, DC

July 11 – Atlanta

July 14 – Orlando

July 17 – Houston

July 19 – Memphis

July 21 – Chicago  
July 22 – Chicago

July 24 – Montreal

July 27 – Minneapolis

July 30 – Denver

August 2 – Phoenix

August 5 – Las Vegas

August 8 – Seattle

August 11 – Los Angeles  
August 12 – Los Angeles  
August 13 – Los Angeles

**The Songs!**

I actually did more planning for this story than I do for most stories that I write. It occurred to me that if I wanted to write about a fictional band, I needed this band to have songs, because I wanted the band members to be able to reference the lyrics, so before the story even started, I wrote a couple of snatches of lyrics. And then, as the story went on, I kept writing more and more lyrics and just storing them at the bottom of the document. Sometimes I wrote the lyrics first, as they occurred to me, but more of the time the characters wrote the lyrics in the context of the story, and then I built a song around them. Some of the songs are mostly complete, and some were never more than couplets, as you can see. 

One of the more complete songs I wrote, this one was a fairly late addition. When Matt threatened to write a song and call it "Syllepsis," well, it meant I had to sit and write the song. When Matt sings this song to Patrick, it has more verses. Those were written very helpfully by QueenThayet. :-)

_Syllepsis_

“It’s a figure of speech,” you said.   
“You can make your mind up and the bed.”   
But I’ve lost the conversational thread,  
My will to resist you, and my head. 

I’m a thousand different nouns  
I’ve never learned the art of settling down  
But you’re the verb, you take me as your object  
And we make it work in every single context

You can stumble over words and feet  
You can lose your temper and a glove  
You can catch a cold and a train  
You can fall behind, and apart, and in love

~~~

The lyrics to this song were mostly written by Matt and Patrick as they flirted back at each other. I expanded it just a bit so I could have them sing the song at sound check. 

_It’s Just a Lot_

You’ve still got the same old smile,  
The one that I would walk a mile just to see.   
You look at me the same old way,   
that gaze that urges me to lay down and be.

And it’s just a lot,   
The way you’ve curled your way into that old familiar spot.  
It’s just a lot,  
The way one look from you ties my insides into knots.   
It’s just a lot,   
How you make me feel like we could have a shot.   
It’s just a lot.   
It’s just a lot.

~~~

This might have been the first set of lyrics I wrote for the entire story. I wanted a first-single sort of song, just a fun "brace for the good times" song. As you can see, I only ever wrote the refrain, which was all I ever needed, because this wasn't a major meaningful song for them. 

_Wild Ride_

Brace yourself, baby, it’s gonna be a wild ride  
It’s gonna be a wild ride  
It’s gonna be a wild ride  
Wide-eyed, tongue-tied, stupefied  
Brace yourself, baby, it’s gonna be a wild ride

~~~

Matt and Patrick recite these lyrics very early on in the story. I never wrote any more of this song, as you can see, but this is actually one of my favorite song possibilities. I really love the idea that they wrote an entire song about Matt's penchant for scheming. 

_Scheme_

Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan  
Just hold out your hand  
I’ve got a dream  
You, me, and a scheme

~~~

Initially, I wrote the refrain of this song because I needed them to have something sexy to say to each other, and so this was my go-to song for this. It didn't get the verse until I stuck Matt on the piano to sing it and realized he needed a lead-in. 

_Lose My Head_

There’s a certain sort of promise, I can see the gleam in your eye  
There’s a current in between us, I couldn’t look away if I tried.

Oh, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you, it’s you  
The things you do to me, the way you feel to me, you’ve ruined me, it’s true.

I want to shatter you into pieces and put you back together in my bed  
And it goes both ways, darling, you make me lose my head

~~~

I always thought I might do more with this song, since it really was meant to be a major moment in their relationship, Matt's rebuttal song. But honestly it made me sad to think how vicious these lyrics probably were, so I just left it at the refrain. 

_Call Your Bluff_

You think that you have it so rough  
Well, baby, I’m calling your bluff

~~~

I knew Matt needed to have a grand solo song, so I wrote the refrain for this to him. When Patrick starts playing it for him, I realized I needed to add a verse, too. And that's all I ever got around to writing. 

_Forever_

There’s a screenshot on my phone of the last text you sent me,   
I keep thinking that I should delete it,   
but every time my thumb hovers over the right button,   
I decide that no, I still need it

And you, forever too good for me  
And you, forever out of my league  
And you, forever the risk not chosen  
And you, forever on a pedestal, frozen

~~~

I needed another flirty lyric for them to quote, so I made up this refrain. Eventually I needed a first line for it, too, so I came up with one. And that's it. Very efficient lyric-writing lol. I kind of love the name of this song, though, I think it's a great name for a song. 

_Kiss Me Last_

Baby, it’s a certainty that you and I were meant to be

“Slow down,” you said, with a furrowed brow, “you’re moving way too fast.”   
“You don’t have to kiss me first,” I said, “just make sure you kiss me last.” 

~~~

This song was meant to be a big deal song, so it was the first song I really sat down and wrote *all* the lyrics to, beginning to end. It never gets sung in its entirety, and I don't think I ever used all of these lyrics, but it really helped to have this be a wholly imagined song that I could pull from and have them reference. Lots of the later lyrics I wrote for Matt were in direct reference to this song. And lots of little details about their relationship were dictated by the lyrics I'd chosen here. Like, I rhymed "love affair" with "Voltaire," and then had to give a Voltaire line somewhere. Also, I wanted to rhyme "sardonic" with "gin and tonic," and that's the reason Matt drinks gin and tonics lololololol

Also, I wanted this to sound very different from the songs Matt and Patrick write together, or Matt writes on his own. Every word in this song sounds faintly elevated to me, and that's Patrick in the lyrics. They don't write like this as Mattrick. I just wanted to make sure this felt different. 

_Trick Up Your Sleeve_

You have always relied on a flippant insouciance, Sufficient to rebut any given happenstance  
When I met you I thought I’d never fall for the act, You proved me wrong with your immediate impact  
You, sitting up in bed, disclaiming on Voltaire, Me, praising myself for our intellectual love affair  
But now the bloom is off the rose, the banter’s all been tarnished, And you dart from thought to thought, rather than hear the truth unvarnished

Your innate charm, you use to disarm, when everyone around you’s prepared to do you harm  
No sin you think can stand up to your grin, all of us for a while in thrall to your guile  
You think the executioner will grant you a reprieve  
Not this time, better have a trick up your sleeve

I study you as you work your charm and pretend that you’re able to play coy, And then inevitably lose interest like a child with a toy  
You bemoan the absence of a meaning to life and I listen, sardonic, And watch you as you pour yourself another gin and tonic  
And in the bottom of that glass you steadily keep draining, You never notice what you miss when you spend all your time complaining  
You’d rather groom every one of your hipster sensibilities, And fret about how offended you are by the encroaching bourgeoisie

Your innate charm, you use to disarm, when everyone around you’s prepared to do you harm  
No sin you think can stand up to your grin, all of us for a while in thrall to your guile  
You think the executioner will grant you a reprieve  
Not this time, better have a trick up your sleeve

I live my life in maybes  
And I’ve got to tell you, baby,   
It’s getting pretty old

With an inch you’ll take a mile  
With your practiced trickster smile  
But your center cannot hold

Your innate charm, you use to disarm, when everyone around you’s prepared to do you harm  
No sin you think can stand up to your grin, all of us for a while in thrall to your guile  
You think the executioner will grant you a reprieve  
Not this time, better have a trick up your sleeve  
Before I pack my things and finally leave

~~~

Initially, I had this whole plan for this story that Matt was going to write Patrick a direct rebuttal to "Trick Up Your Sleeve" and perform it at the last show of the tour, and this was when Patrick was going to, Idk, realize how sincere Matt was or something. But it made *no sense* with the direction the story took. Matt definitely did not need this weird penance song I'd written for him. So then I thought maybe I could pretend it was a song Matt had written during their breakup, and Patrick was going to stumble upon it, and...Idk what. Because it just seemed totally unnecessary. So I wrote Matt "Open Sleeve" to replace this song, and never used this song. But the lyrics were written, so. 

_At the End of the Charm_

You say I depend upon my rapier wit,   
But my wit may have dulled a bit.   
You mock my adroitness at sleight of hand  
But the tricks up my sleeve no longer go as planned. 

You always said I could never play coy,   
But that’s a game I no longer even attempt.   
I’m over gin and tonics, I’ve accepted the bourgeoisie  
All my hipster sensibilities are a little bit unkempt

I never knew the end of the song  
I never knew what happens when you leave  
You standing there cool, collected, and calm  
And where does that leave us  
At the end of the charm? 

I was busy with the poems  
With the Goethe and the Voltaire  
But now I find myself thinking it sounds really good—  
Your hearts-and-candies sort of love affair

I never knew the end of the song  
I never knew what happens when you leave  
You standing there cool, collected, and calm  
And where does that leave us  
At the end of the charm? 

I’m here with none of the lines that you always knew so well  
I’m here with no cards to play, anyway, you always knew my tell  
I’m here with a long list of sins, and I’m ready to do penance  
I’m never losing interest, I’m through with all the maybes, my love for you is one ongoing, never-ending, too-much-at-once, run-on sentence

I never knew the end of the song  
I never knew what happens when you leave  
You standing there cool, collected, and calm  
And where does that leave us  
At the end of the charm? 

~~~

Once I'd given them this huge hit song, I really had to think about its lyrics, mostly because I wanted them in my pocket in case I needed to use them. So, I don't think all of "Luck" ever gets sung all at once but I think most of these lyrics get referenced. Here they are in order. 

_Luck_

Can we talk about  
How the sight of you is sometimes more than I can bear  
How the sound of my name in the tone of your voice is the only sound I can hear  
How the feel of you when you brush against me drives me to distraction  
How the taste of you is an endless question spurring me to action

You’re a four-leaf clover,   
An impossible joy that I’ve found  
I can’t help but blush  
Whenever you’re around  
My breath catches in a stutter, my heart is all a-shudder  
But you get it all unstuck  
And I can’t believe my luck

Can we talk about  
How you have a special, secret smile that you only use on me  
How the view of the world from inside of your arms is the only view I see  
How you watch me from across the room and your weight of your gaze is addictive  
How I love the way I make you laugh when I tell you I want to get frictive

You say that I’m a four-leaf clover,   
You say I’m an impossible joy that you’ve found  
You say you can’t help but blush  
Whenever I’m around  
You say your breath catches in a stutter and your heart is all a-flutter  
In this moment I want to get stuck  
When you say you can’t believe your luck

I say I’ve been in love before, and it’s never felt like this  
You say you’ve never been in love, but you know that’s what this is  
It feels like we’re holding hands and jumping off a cliff  
But we’re caught in the wind and we’ll never have to land and, baby, this is bliss

And what we have’s a four-leaf clover  
An impossible joy we’ve found  
There’s a very special sort of rush  
Whenever you’re around  
I’m used to the way you make my breath stutter, used to the way you can make me shudder  
You say to me, “You want to fuck?”  
Oh, we can’t believe our luck

~~~

I wanted Matt to be working on a seduction song for Patrick, and this is the one I came up with. I was really obsessed with the "fall to me" phrase, so that was what I started with. And I liked the idea that this was a song Matt could have a lot of fun singing. The amusing part to me is that I think the "Darling, I know how to seduce you" bit doesn't quite feel like it belongs to this song, but those lyrics made so much sense in the context of the story, so I just stuck them in there. 

_Fall to Me_

It’s no laughing matter  
The way I’m short of breath before we even   
Kiss  
Every thought just scatters  
Every inch of your skin is a feast I don’t want to   
Miss  
Every breath, every gasp, every heartbeat  
Baby, give it all to me  
I want to make you smile, and laugh, and beg  
I want to make you   
Fall to me  
Darling, I know how to seduce you,   
How to stroke you hot like fire,   
But seduction’s not my aim,   
I’ve set my bar much higher  
Fall to me  
Caress-dazed, kiss-dizzy  
Fall to me  
Touch-drunk, contact-tizzy  
Fall to me

~~~

Patrick was initially going to propose to Matt with this song. And then their proposal took a VERY different form than I'd intended. I loved this song too much to just leave it entirely out of the story, though. I felt like Patrick really needed his love-declaration song to match Matt's. It's not as showy as "Trick Up Your Sleeve" was for Patrick, but I still think it sounds like him. 

_Patrick’s Vows_

When you’re too tired to sleep,   
Come here and I will keep  
You warm  
When you’re feeling helter-skelter  
I will be your shelter  
In every storm

I should have said it long ago  
It’s you that sets my heart aglow  
You’re my only  
And, my love, I guarantee  
That I’ll be here so you’ll never be  
Lonely

A thing I should have said  
It’s been living in my head  
It’s overdue I said it to your face  
I’d marry you a million times  
A billion ways, a trillion rhymes  
Darling, simply name the time and place 

It’s a thing I should have said  
It’s been living in my head  
I should have shouted it from the start  
I’d marry you a million times  
A billion ways, a trillion rhymes  
I’ll love you, until death do us part

And I will be the one you kiss  
Before every frantic encore  
And I will be the one you collapse to  
When you can’t do it anymore  
And you will be the one I curl into  
When the world’s too much to handle  
And the one who makes me laugh  
At a tabloid’s idea of scandal

I cannot imagine a morning without you in my bed  
I want every run-on sentence in your overactive head  
I want today, tomorrow, forever, and every scheme you can contrive  
I’d marry you a million times,  
A billion ways, a trillion rhymes,   
I’ll love you every day of our lives

~~~

This was the song I sat and wrote for Matt to replace "At the End of the Charm," and this is a particular favorite of mine. That "if you're a trick, I've got an open sleeve" is my favorite lyric I wrote the whole time. 

_Open Sleeve_

I thought we had a once upon a time  
A fairy tale sort of algorithm  
But I feel like I’d rather have this reality we’ve stumbled on  
Now that we’ve found the way to our rhythm

The happy ever after always seemed like it was  
The riddle destined to perpetually flummox  
But we’ve got melodies and lyrics glowing in between us  
That make me feel like we have the key to this particular paradox

So if you  
Love me  
I’m standing here with arms wide open, hoping you’ll believe  
That I  
Love you  
If you’re a trick, I’ve got an open sleeve

There is no stage I’d want to be on  
Without you there behind me and slightly to my right  
Counting every breath I take as we cast the spell we make  
And find a way to set a sky alight

So if you  
Love me  
I’m standing here with arms wide open, hoping you’ll believe  
That I  
Love you  
If you’re a trick, I’ve got an open sleeve

The thing about a silver tongue  
Is how quickly it can tarnish  
The thing about a shiny surface  
Is how quickly it needs varnish

The thing about you and me, though  
Is how we make each note gleam  
We polish each other into something better  
We’re greater together than we otherwise might seem

So if you   
Love me  
I’m standing here with arms wide open, hoping you’ll believe  
That I  
Love you  
If you’re a trick, I’ve got an open sleeve

You’re the love of my life  
You have been all along  
I don’t know how to tell you  
I’ll probably put it in a song

 

**Deleted Scenes!**

_I almost never have deleted scenes in my stories, which is why I've never done this before. But I had these two huge chunks that I'd written, didn't like, and saved to use later, then never used. So I had them, so I thought I'd share them._

_This first scene was from *very* early on, before the tour, when they were playing the piano again. And it was not right. It was not the right revelation about their relationship, it didn't quite fit what was going on. So I deleted it and started the scene over, and I think that was the right decision._

And Patrick could see that now, with the benefit of hindsight, and with Matt in front of him, so clearly raw and vulnerable. Patrick had wanted all of Matt, and Matt had been so evasive about it, Matt had been so determined that they weren’t serious with each other, that they had made no commitments, that they were good at fucking each other and that was all it needed to be, and Patrick had been so hurt by what he had perceived as Matt’s rejection of him that it hadn’t been until much, much later that it had occurred to him that Matt had been scared and had been covering it up, and Patrick would have seen it had it been any other circumstances but Matt saying no to a relationship with him. But Matt had made an entire career out of pretending to be a completely different person, and the real Matt Usher, hidden behind all of that bluster, was shy and careful and sometimes seized with panic attacks that Patrick could recognize now. But then, when they’d been young and stupid…then he hadn’t thought much of that. 

 

Patrick looked at him and thought, Fuck, because Matt was definitely right and Patrick had never thought about it before. Patrick had been so impatient with the way Matt turned every conversation they had into an opportunity for a song that he had actually yelled at him about it at one point. And then he had written his famously angry song as a kind of fuck-you to Matt for detailing everything about their relationship into songs all the time. And he had never stopped to think that Matt’s heart was laid bare in the songs and Patrick had been rejecting it all this time. 

~~~

_This one was during the tour, during a documentary filming. Initially, I had this plan that they were going to really actively use the documentary to explore their relationship, as you can see them discuss in the conversation below. I ended up deleting it because that just felt...really wrong. And, in fact, in the end they halted the documentary altogether. It just seemed like neither one of them would really want to explore their relationship in front of a camera like that. That was the opposite of what they needed. So, in the end, I gave Matt his gorgeous final speech to the cameras, and then pulled the plug on the documentary._

_Also, this felt like Patrick dwelling *so much* on his parents, and in the end I didn't think like they were that big an issue for Patrick. They ended up being a non-issue._

“Are we done here?” he asked Anna. 

Anna blinked. “Obviously not forever, but we can be done for now.” 

“Good,” said Matt. “That’s good. It’s been a long day and I need a couple of minutes before the VIPs show up.” Matt took his microphone off, already standing. 

Anna said, “Oh. Okay.” 

Patrick watched him, well aware that Matt’s life hadn’t at all fit the picture Matt had had of it, because Matt’s picture had been him, all him, Patrick beginning to end. Patrick knew that. And it hadn’t been that way and there wasn’t anything Patrick could do now to change that. 

Matt glanced at him. “You can keep going if you want. I just need a couple of minutes.” And he gave Patrick a quick fake smile, and then he dashed out of the room. 

Patrick looked after him. 

Anna said, “Do you want to keep going?” 

Patrick said, “Not at all.” 

“Are you going to go after him?” 

“Obviously,” Patrick replied. 

***

It was oppressively hot and muggy in New York, which meant that fleeing outdoors wasn’t as refreshing as Matt had wanted it to be. It wasn’t rejuvenating to take deep breaths of heavy, wet air. 

But Matt leaned against the back of the building behind him anyway, and not for the first time in his life wished that he smoked. It would have given him a convenient excuse to stand around in alleys being moody, instead of attracting attention. 

“Hey,” Patrick said, because of course Patrick would follow him. 

“Hi,” Matt said without opening his eyes. “You didn’t have to stop filming for my sake.” 

“Are you kidding? I stopped filming for my sake. Maybe we should rethink this documentary idea.” 

Matt opened his eyes. Patrick was standing right in front of him, although he was looking off down the alley, where the New York street was busy and bustling. “Why?” asked Matt curiously. 

Patrick shrugged. “I don’t know. We’re going to have to relive everything. Just…everything. All over again.” 

Matt looked at Patrick’s profile, at Patrick’s evasiveness, and thought of how vivid the memory of meeting Patrick for the first time still was in his head, how he could close his eyes and see Patrick in the feeble, sickly spotlight of that cheap bar, his shocking red hair, his plaintive guitar, his clear steady voice, his song. Patrick thought they were going to have relive everything because Patrick was so adept at compartmentalizing but Matt felt like he relived everything with Patrick daily. 

“Maybe we should,” Matt said. “Maybe we should relive the whole thing and think about where we went wrong so we don’t do it again.” 

Patrick looked at Matt then. “And you think that’s going to be a good thing? Because you also just stood up and walked out. So this seems contradictory to me.” 

“I like to be contradictory,” Matt said. “I like to keep you on your toes.” Matt took a deep breath. “I think we should talk about it. I think we should…get better…at talking about it.” 

Patrick held his gaze for a long moment, then nodded, and then said, “How was the press stuff?” 

Which Matt knew meant that Patrick was going to let him have his way for now at least. “Fine. The usual. I was magnificently charming.” 

That earned him a fond smile, which had been Matt’s objective. “Of course you were. Did you get asked about your sexual history?” 

“Oh, many times. It was delightful.” 

Patrick shook his head. “You lead a strange life.” 

“I do. But a good one.” Matt pushed away from the wall. “We should go inside, it’s gross out here.” 

Patrick followed him in, seeming thoughtful. 

Matt paused a few steps in, regarding him, but before he could say anything, Rachel said, “Oh, there you two are. We’ve got the VIPs, remember? You’ve got to do the meet-and-greet.” 

“We’ll be right there,” Matt told her. “Give us a second.” 

Patrick looked at him in surprise, as Rachel said, “Okay,” and moved away. 

Matt said, “If you’re really bothered by the documentary thing, we can…” Matt didn’t know what he wanted to say. He blew out a breath in frustration. “I don’t want to tell you that we don’t have to talk about it, because I really, really think we should talk about it, but if you want to—”

“She asked me about my parents,” Patrick said. 

Matt blinked. “Your parents? What?” 

“You were late, so we started with me. My childhood. My parents.” 

Matt stared at Patrick. “Christ, do we have to talk about our childhoods? This is worse than therapy.” 

“I don’t know, I suppose I could have said no, that it was off-limits, but… I don’t know, it’s so stupid, most of the time I literally never think about them and now I feel guilty for that.” 

“You shouldn’t feel guilty for that,” Matt said. “Your parents were horrible to you.” 

“They weren’t horrible, they just—”

“Patrick. I know in your head you like to try to think that I disliked your parents because they disliked me, but they were awful to you. I never heard them say a kind or supportive thing in your direction. I look at you with your kids now and I’m amazed, because I don’t understand where you ever even learned to be as fantastic to your kids as you are.” 

Patrick shook his head. “I’m lucky. My kids are very much like me. You’ve said it again and again. I wasn’t like my parents. I don’t think they knew what to do with me.” 

“You know what I’ve tried to figure out about you?” said Matt in frustration, and he knew he should stop this conversation, that it wasn’t at all what they needed to be talking about right before meeting VIPs, but he couldn’t help it. “How you can break up with me and compartmentalize me so neatly that you literally never let yourself think about me again, and yet you let the memory of your parents fuck with you so much. Why was I so easy to shove into a box, but you won’t believe me when I tell you to forget about your parents?” 

“Because they were my parents,” Patrick snapped. “I was supposed to love them, and I never did, and that’s probably the first thing I tried to compartmentalize, so I guess I didn’t get it quite right.” 

“Ah, I see, practice made perfect,” Matt snapped back. 

“You I loved desperately. You I loved too much. I literally could not move forward without shoving you aside. I had to put you in that box because if I didn’t, I knew my mind would change about you. I knew if I let you have any space inside my head, I’d love you again, and I wouldn’t be able to remember how to live without you. And that is completely how it’s been, so I was right about that. Whereas I could let them have space inside my head, because I knew I was never going to change how I felt about them. But if you think, for one second, that I don’t regret—I think you think you’re the only one with regrets, and that’s not true. I love every single one of my kids, I adore them, I wouldn’t change my life because it would take them out of it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still regret what happened with you, Matt. I regret a lot of things. I’m not as cold and unfeeling as you think.” 

Matt stared at him for a long moment. He was flushed, but with his freckles standing out starkly, the way Patrick looked when he was angry. And he’d run his hands through his hair and left it sticking up every which way. Matt said eventually, gently, “I have never once thought you cold and unfeeling. You’re a tempest of feelings. That’s why you frustrate me sometimes: because you pretend not to be. You’re the one who thinks you’re cold and unfeeling. So cool and calm and collected because you don’t want to be otherwise, even though you are, so much more than you want to admit. It leaks out in your music, when you let yourself slip, and it’s glorious. And you’re the least cold person in the universe with the people you love. You’re so wonderfully warm and fond. That’s not what I’m talking about when I talk about—It felt like you forgot all about me. Not that you were cold and unfeeling, you were still full of feeling, it was just…all directed at somebody else.” 

It was Patrick’s turn to stare for a long moment. Then he said, “It was so inconceivable to me that I had lost you that it was better for me to try to pretend I’d never had you at all. I feel guilty about that, too. My parents don’t have the market cornered on my guilt.” 

“We’ve been talking a lot about guilt lately,” said Matt. 

“This is more accurately the Guilt Tour than the Sexual History Tour.” 

“Let’s face it, it’s both,” said Matt. He felt exhausted in the aftermath of the discussion. He just wanted to step into Patrick’s arms and let him hold him, but they were in a public corridor, and they had VIPs waiting for a meet-and-greet. 

Patrick said, “Let’s be Mattrick for a bit, and then let’s hide somewhere and be Matt and Patrick.” 

Matt nodded fervently.


End file.
